Shifting focus.

I wake up to an aching jaw and realize I've been clenching my teeth in my sleep again. Generally not a good sign because it usually means one of two things: I'm either stressed or angry. Considering that I have completed all of my work for this term and I am struggling to find ways to fill up my days, I am not stressed. After reflecting over this I think I've come to realize why I'm having such a difficult time sharing.

Since the arrival of another volunteer, my focus has shifted away from my projects, possible things I could do, and all the ways in which I am growing and changing and what I'm experiencing to a focus on: there is an invader in my space. (And yes, none of this is her fault I realize that. She didn't choose to come to a site with another volunteer, just like I didn't ask another volunteer to come.) So, my previous experiences as a volunteer has been focused on me, my learners, projects, contemplating life, getting excited about reuniting with other Peace Corps Volunteers when we have those chances, etc. And now it's about whether I have to share my class room, answering questions, avoiding being perceived as a racist (spending too much time with the only other white person can do that), frustration with her age, figuring out how to live in the same space in a civil way, and this entirely new interaction that I wasn't prepared for. I guess I am having trouble articulating this as properly as I had hoped. It's just a huge change in focus. I wish I could just block her out of my vision and carry on like before. Next year I have a few projects in mind that I would like to start now that I'm finally more comfortable in this new place....but is she going to be present? Is she going to want a say in them and want to help facilitate? She is much more interested in spending time with other volunteers and feels more isolated than I do. I'm not interested in spending time with her. I'm interested in spending time with Namibians and my learners on my own. (And when I do spend time with other volunteers, it's those rare occasions when members of the beloved Dirty 30 can come together.) She always seems to have to ask me what I'm doing and where I'm going. Is it always necessary for her to know? I know this may seem rude or childish, but I don't always want her in my business.